DIY: Sexy Apocalypse
There’s no need for hot devils and sultry zombies on Halloween—the natural world is chock-full of terror…and temptation.
Illustration by Perrin Ireland
Does the idea of being a sexy stapler for the third year in a row make you want to snooze right through Halloween? Have you worn a hole in your vampy vampire getup? Don’t fret—environmental disasters can be just as scary-sexy as anything you’ve tricked out in before. Prepare to stop friends dead in their tracks with these irresistible, science-savvy, DIY costumes. Happy haunting!
Sexy Fracking
Use body paint to draw pipes running up and down your otherwise bare body. Dribble coffee—or some other adult beverage—out of your mouth from time to time. That’s right, froth it up like you’re pumping drilling chemicals into an aquifer. Paint an inky X somewhere along the pipeline, and invite strangers to find the methane leak. Behave!
Sexy Delinquent Delegate at Paris Climate Talks
What’s hotter than a man afraid of commitment? The upcoming Paris climate talks will have beaucoup of them. Don a suit, tie, and beret, and palm a baguette. Act like a bad boy and entertain exclusive conversations behind closed doors. If anyone asks about the climate crisis, look concerned and blame someone else. And don’t make any promises!
Coral Bleaching
Wear all white, and construct an elaborate reef headpiece out of papier-mâché, white paint, and toilet paper rolls. Procure some dead reef animals (do it legally, please), and dangle fish bones from your head to convey the cost of coral loss.
Sexy option: Wear a white swimsuit and cover your bod in zinc oxide.
Sexy Arctic Drilling
Squeeze into a formfitting white bodysuit and paint the legs with a black, glossy, oily sheen. Reuse some Styrofoam as a hat, and attach a polar bear toy (or a walrus if you like long tusks). Add stilettos and blood-red lips, and voilà: environmental disaster diva!
Drought
Make a body-size map of California with cardboard, duct tape, and markers. Trail dust behind you throughout the night, Pigpen-style. Bogart the punch bowl, because you’re dying of thirst.
Sexy option: Go nude beneath the sandwich board. There’s no #droughtshame in that.
Sea-Level Rise
Design your own submerged NYC skyline mask/headgear. Then slip into a blue sheet and drape yourself in seaweed. Say things like “Statue of Liberty? Fuhgeddaboudit….She’s all washed up.”
Sexy option: Go nude under the sheet, or try on the city of Amsterdam for size, with a red-light beacon under all that blue.
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